Haunting Words
by WaterColor Tears
Summary: Finding strength in her weakness, Usagi realizes that the world will not end without him.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Notes:

Hello! I realize that this is extremely short, but I didn't want to make it longer without knowing how you, my audience, would react to it. Why invest my much-enjoyed (and seldom found) spare time into something that wouldn't be read? So if you want more, let me know. There's no requirement for reviews or anything, it just depends on whether or not I think people would read it, and whether or not I have the time to do it. So let me know what you think, okay?

WaterColor

I sit on my bed, gazing out the window at the stars. They mock me, twinkling on a velvet blanket that seems to be haunting. The tears come to my eyes unbidden as I realize that the soft night sky is the same haunting blue as his eyes. My heart wrenches again as I try to block the picture, my tears fall onto his last gift to me. The rose shimmers in the soft light, the tears forming the illusion of dew on its petals. His words flash through my mind, reminding me again that the rose had yet to fade, seeming stronger than his love for me. I sob then, my heart shattering, my soul collapses. All I had ever wanted was his love. Was that not enough, was _I_ not enough? Our love was eternal; death could not stop it, yet he had gone. Maybe forever was a lie, nothing more then a pretty word. If so, love is its companion. I feel like a broken, beaten angel-capable of so many things, yet unable to save myself from pain. It's a beautiful picture-an angel with broken wings, hair to the wind, feathers all around. But it hurts. All I want is solace, some reason as to why I was not enough to satisfy him. Was my love nothing to him? Did it mean not a thing? I offered him every part of me, and in return he gave me a goddamn flower. It's pretty. It's actually beautiful. It's graceful, elegant, everything that I'm not, and it means more to him then I do. It's ironic. He gave me one last gift, and it's everything to him that I'm not. The picture of beauty, of elegance, and eternal. But yet he says that our love is like a rose. The rose is more then our love is. The rose is eternal. It carries on. This rose can last forever, but yet our love cannot. Just answer me this: Why?


	2. Seeing Him

Haunting Words-Chapter Two

Hey all….I know that this was a long time coming, but what can I say? I'm a busy gal. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy. Feel free to email me at Oh, and all standard disclaimers apply.

She had seen him today. Gods how that had hurt. He didn't acknowledge her at all. That hurt even more than just seeing him. He looked the same as he always did. He didn't have bags under his eyes. She knew how she had looked, but she didn't care. All she wanted was him and that was the one thing that she couldn't have. She felt like collapsing but what good would it do? He didn't care about her anymore. She hated how the person she cared most about in this whole damn world could hurt her the worst. The person who had made her cry was the only person who could stop the tears. Love. That's all she cared about. _His_ love. And that was the one thing he couldn't give her. He could give her a rose. A goddamn rose. But he couldn't give her his love. Her heart ached. She was so full of pain, but she didn't know what she cried for at night. Was it for him? She didn't think so. Not anymore. She cried for everything. For what she had lost, for what she wished she could have. Maybe she did cry for him, but it was more for him than it was for him leaving her. How could somebody do that?Nobody can choose who they love. Not even he can choose who he loves. Unless he lied to her. Maybe he did lie. Maybe he never loved her.


	3. Cold and Alone

Haunting Words-Chapter Three

Wow. Two chapters in a row. Now writers block will set in and this damn thing will never get finished. Like I said in the last chapter, standard disclaimers apply, and any questions, comments, flames, etc. can be sent to my email, Have a good read! And please review!

Alone. She woke up cold and alone. She had had that dream again. The one where he came back. Where he called and told her how sorry he was, how stupid he had been. And then he held her. Held her as tight as he possibly could. He had been telling her something when she woke up. Her alarm had startled her awake, letting her know that a new day was waiting, that the world was continuing whether he loved her or not. Ever since he left the sun hadn't come out. Unless it was her. It could be her. Everything seemed darker, like the universe felt her pain. It was a funny thought. Even she couldn't feel it anymore. She knew it was there, but it was dull now. It was sad that she could live with it. Why couldn't she just let go? She didn't know. Gods how she wanted too. She didn't want to feel this way, like she was being torn in two. Didn't he feel this? How could he do this to her? Even if he didn't love her he could have pity on her. She didn't even recognize herself anymore. Her eyes were dark and sunken. Her cheeks were hollow and her skin sallow. Her hair was stringy and her ribs were showing. He hadn't changed. She had seen him; he looked the same as ever. He hadn't even glanced twice at her. He must not have noticed the changes, unless he thought that she was always ugly. Why didn't this affect him at all? Did he really hate her that much? Gods he must hate her…..


	4. A New Realization

Haunting Words-Chapter Four

Here's a longer chapter. Enjoy, it may be a little while before I write another one. Standard disclaimers apply. Let me know what you think, and how you're interpreting this fic.

Every time she closed her eyes, every time she breathed, all she could think about was him, and how he made her feel. It wouldn't go away. No matter how goddamn hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of the thought of him. Gods know she tried. But he was always there. His eyes burned into her. She could smell him. She could see the way that the light would reflect off of his hair. And she couldn't help but feel that she was losing her mind. It wasn't fading. It had been a month and the pain hadn't dulled. She had learned to cope with it, but it wasn't getting better, it was getting worse. She wasn't crying anymore, but now she didn't just think about him every minute or two, it was every second now. Usually the pain gets better. Usually it would start to fade. What was wrong with her? It wasn't like she had seen him with another woman. She just couldn't stop thinking about him. Maybe it was the way that they broke up. Her chest still hurt at even a fleeting thought of it.

He stared at her. She was beginning to feel awkward. It was a penetrating gaze. His eyes looked deeper then the ocean, she felt like she was drowning. She realized that he was speaking to her. "….and I think that maybe our love is like a rose. It's beautiful, and fragile. But it won't last. Roses fade, and I think that our love is beginning too. Maybe eternity is a little long. We're young. I love you, I do. I love you more than anything. But I don't want to stay together if I'm not sure about it. I don't want to hurt you. Staying with you when I'm unsure would only hurt you, and I don't want that. I'm sorry. I don't want to be with you anymore. This may not last forever, but for right now, I think that we should stop seeing each other."

She started, realizing that the pretty words, pretty words that glittered like shards of glass, were only a memory. It's funny how a memory can hurt so long afterwards. Slowly she began to realize that this was permanent. If he had wanted her, if he had really loved her, he would have come back by now. He would hurt as much as she did. But he didn't. He didn't stay up all night, words multiplying, echoing behind his eyes. The pain that she had felt was beginning to turn into anger. Who was he to do this to her? She loved him. She _had_ loved him. How could she love somebody that could do this to her? She didn't want to. She didn't think that she could.

A realization hit her. She could change this. She could change the way that she felt. She rethought what he had said to her. So cold, so calculated. Their bench. The rose. The damn thing was still alive. It wouldn't fade, it wouldn't leave her. The clear night. He had covered everything. Let her think that it was her. Let her believe that she deserved this, that she had done something wrong. She hadn't. She had loved him more than she loved herself. And for what? So that he could leave her? The anger was building, the pain becoming something new, something that she had never felt for a person before. Hatred. She hated him. He had tricked her, made her believe that he loved her. He could never have loved her if he could use her like this.

She glanced up, startled to realize that it was raining. The sky was mourning for her, it seemed. Maybe it was the fact that she was beginning to lose her innocence. Hatred was consuming her. She licked her lips, tasting salt. Was she crying again? So many tears in such a short amount of time. He had done this to her. She shivered, feeling the dampness for the first time. She got up, walking down the now-muddy path, towards the cold yellow light above the street, heading home. She was tired, emotionally exhausted. The rain hit her, plastering her long hair to her face. The street looked like a postcard, dimly lit and shiny. She exhaled, wrapping her arms around herself as she slowly walked home. She needed to rest, tomorrow she could contemplate all of the days realizations.


	5. Carry On

Chapter 5

Alright, this was a long time coming-but I write when I have something to write about…..this is a little harder then my usual drabbles…..but at least I put another out, right?

Last night she hadn't slept as well as she had hoped. Images kept teasing her, blue eyes, soft lips, flashes of red in a mind that could no longer withstand it. She woke up early, unwilling to face another day of loneliness. Sleep had evaded her, and she could only pray that the coming day would be kind to her

The realizations that had flooded her consciousness the night before had stayed with her through the nights unrest. The hatred that had consumed her refused to leave her mind. Finally, she had something to hold on to other then longing, the feeling that time would cease to pass and she would remain in the same state of despondency.

Long blonde hair trailing behind her, she marched with a purposefulness that had never entered her step before. Determination stayed hard on her normally serene face, eyes filled with an emotion unseen before. The doors flew open, and she walked across the checked linoleum floor to her target.

"Jackass" she spat out as her hand left its mark on his cheek. "I don't know what you thought you were going to do to me. I don't even know if you realized what you did. But a part of me died that night, and I still don't know why. I'm past that. I'm okay now. I don't want an explanation. I don't want condolences. I want to move on and be happy. Without you. If you don't need me, then I'm done being a sad little girl. I have no intentions of being wait listed for your affection. You have something better to do, then so do I."

Her cerulean eyes were filled with fire as she gazed at him, his darker ones filled with confusion. This was a new Usagi, she'd never talked to him like this before. Hell, she'd never talked to anyone like this before. But this is what he'd wanted, right? He wanted her to move on and forget about him. Live life and be happy, safe. Nothing could hurt her-especially not him.

"Alright Odango. Thanks for the update. It wasn't needed, and hardly on my list of things to check on, but I'm glad to see you're actually on top of something for once. Too bad it wasn't something important." Two could play at the pain game. And hell if she would win. So what if he started it? He'd end it too.

An audience had begun to gather as they continued a verbal sparring match-Odango and Mamoru, going at it again.

"This was important to me, Mamoru-san" He winced at the formality, but it went unnoticed "I got tired of wondering what was wrong with me….until I realized, it wasn't me. It was you. You are a giant, egg headed jackass. You're cold, Mamoru. And you did me a favor. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you. Destiny my ass. I want to be happy, and it's not something that will be there when I get around to it. I gave you everything, and you took it and wanted more. When I couldn't deliver, you left. Well fuck that. What the hell do you want from me? I gave unconditionally, and all I got in return was an empty void that you refused to fill. Maybe some day I'll come back-but it won't be until you're human Mamoru. You left me. And I'm not going to crawl back to you." By now she was panting from her rant-speech giving took a lot out of her when she wasn't Sailor Moon. She heard clapping, and she looked up.

"Congratulations Odango. I'm happy for you. However, I don't think that I ever expected any crawling. And that empty void-that's your head. I tried to fill it, over and over again….that's a space meant to be empty. What do you mean by human? I am human-I just walk instead of trip, eat instead of shovel. And I don't drool over every shiny thing that ever entered my line of vision. I'm not sure what you expected from me as far as unconditional giving goes…..I'm not even sure what you gave me. An empty wallet maybe? I have better things to do then listen to a child yell at me. Call me in a few years, when you're appetite ceases and you're maturity level grows." He got up from his seat and headed towards the door, fists clenched at his side as he tried not to take back the words that had almost lodged in his throat. He was cruel, he could never be human. What kind of person could treat her the way that he just had? Reminding himself that it was for her, that all this pain was to protect her, he pushed open the door and walked out.

She wavered, gazing at his back as he left. Collapsing on the floor, she willed herself not to cry. Too many tears had fallen since that day, and no more were going to fall outside of her room. She didn't need him. The pain would leave sometime, the fates couldn't mean for this to be forever. Someday she'd find someone who could love her the way that she loved him. Gods, let that someone still be him.

A crowd had gathered around her, friends taking her hands to pull her up. Voices chattered around her head, asking if she was okay, if the words were real. Time had passed slowly as he walked out the door, her thoughts still swirling around in her head. Had he meant what he had said? Certainly the last time they had met like this he had. But the pain could only last so long, eventually she would have to breathe.

She stood up, the realization that he wasn't coming back steeling her. What was done had been done, and she would not take it back. Strength was in her, buried deep. A leader, a warrior, and princess, she had the ability to carry on. He would come back to her, and she would not cry until then. Life was too short to live with regrets, especially when waking up in the morning as a gift unto itself. She was going to live.


End file.
